Parents, Cats, and the Conspiracy of Existence

What if you’ve always felt like maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t be here at all?

If you’re reading this, leaving a like or subscribing to this Substack would be a fantastic way to say, “Hey, I’m here too!” And that simple act of support is much more than what many of us ask from existence itself.

Give me More Room to Look Around - Karla Ruas (2023)

Let’s talk about the gift of life.

Society tells us to cherish it, be grateful to our parents for giving it to us, and honor their sacrifices.

But what if you’ve always felt like maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t be here at all? That life is less a "gift" and more like a subscription you didn’t ask for but can’t seem to cancel?

I used to rebel against this expectation. My take was simple (and, okay, maybe a little angsty): Why would anyone do this to me? The bills, the heartbreak, the stress, the existential dread—who signed me up for this?

For years, I stuck with this mindset, convinced that parents owe their children everything because they chose to bring them into the world. It seemed logical. But I lent little empathy to parents because, in my bubble, becoming a parent always seemed like a choice.

Virtually everyone I know wants to have children at some point in their lives. Even now, many of them are waiting for the "right conditions." And when I ask them why they want kids, their answers are the stereotypical, self-centered responses you’d expect: "I want to see a mini version of myself," or "I want someone to take care of me when I’m old."

And then I’m confronted with how children are treated in my society. Parents who once eagerly anticipated having kids often neglect their emotional needs, using discipline as a mask for control or blaming children for parenting struggles. This cycle of contradictions made me deeply critical of the entire concept of parenthood.

But the more I thought about living and adulthood, the more I circled back to empathy. Not just for offspring, but for parents—those poor humans who might have been blindsided by biology, circumstance, or societal pressures long before they ever "chose" to have kids.

Did We Always Know What We Were Doing?

For millennia, humans didn’t fully understand that sex leads to babies. Our ancestors, much like other animals today, acted on instinct. The concept of cause and effect between mating and reproduction likely dawned on us between 200,000 and 50,000 years ago, when Homo sapiens developed more complex cognitive abilities. But even then, we didn’t understand the finer details (like how sperm and eggs work together) until the scientific advancements of the 17th century.

Even when we knew, reliable contraception didn’t exist until relatively recently. For most of history, reproduction wasn’t entirely a choice. Women, who bear the brunt of childbirth and caregiving, had little autonomy over their bodies. Early marriages, marital rape, lack of contraceptives, and even forced pregnancies were the norm.

In many societies, this still holds true. Despite wanting fewer or no children, many people end up parents because of systemic issues beyond their control. It’s a sobering thought when you consider the sheer weight of responsibility that comes with raising a child—financially, emotionally, and socially.

Pertencimento - Karla Ruas (2022)

The Existential Drama of My Cat

Take my cat, Katie*, for example. She recently gave birth to four kittens, and let me tell you, she’s not exactly thrilled about it. Katie is what you’d call a cat's cat—aloof, independent, and not particularly fond of humans. But now she’s saddled with four mewling dependents, and her exhaustion is palpable.

Katie didn’t choose this life. She went into heat (because biology), followed her primal urges (because instinct), and now she’s trapped in a cycle of motherhood—nursing, grooming, and keeping her tiny terrors alive. If I don’t spay her, this could happen three times a year. Imagine the toll that would take, physically and emotionally (if cats even feel emotions like regret, which I’m starting to suspect they do).

Watching Katie made me reflect on human parents. Sure, we have more agency than animals, but not as much as we think. Most pregnancies, even among married couples, are unplanned. Nearly half of them happen without the parents actively seeking it.

These unexpected arrivals force a choice between two difficult options: abortion or birth. Even preventing pregnancy isn’t easy. From abstinence and hormonal contraceptives to IUDs and the good old-fashioned “pull-out” method, avoiding conception requires effort, resources, and sometimes even a toll on one’s health.

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Life itself fights to exist. On a cellular level, your very first building blocks conspired to make you. The egg traveled down the fallopian tube to meet the sperm, and the two combined to form you. And while your parents might have been having sex for fun (because, let’s be honest, that’s the case for most of us), your zygote had other plans.

Even as rudimentary cells, we’ve always been fighting for life, often against our parents' wishes.

Who takes care of who takes care of - Karla Ruas (2020)

For most of my life, I thought parents owed us everything because they made the decision to bring us here. But now, I see it differently. Parenthood isn’t always a clear, conscious choice. It’s often a mix of biology, circumstance, and a dash of chaos.

That doesn’t absolve parents of their responsibilities, but it does make me think twice before holding a grudge. Life is messy, complicated, and rarely fair. Maybe it’s okay to give our parents (and ourselves) a little grace.

So here we are, alive and kicking, whether we like it or not. Perhaps the point isn’t to question why we’re here but to make the most of it while we are.

And hey, while you’re at it, don’t forget to neuter your pets. Katie would appreciate it.

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What do you think? Let me know in the comments, and if you enjoyed this post, leave a like or subscribe to stick around for more musings.

*Names in this article are withheld