Before it Leaves my Mind

Capturing thoughts before I forget them during this phase of my life where thinking is a luxury.

“Ophelia” by Sir John Everett Millais (1851–52)

Doesn’t the title sound like a corny novel? I don’t know why novels have to have such cliché names.

I’ve had a difficult time coming up with this one because it’s not supposed to be a discussion of anything in particular. This entry is meant to introduce you to my mind amidst an objectively stressful period of my life (which I refuse to perceive as so)

Please stop asking me how I’m doing, idk I’m ignoring it lol

So what’s up, how are you this Sunday? I’ve had a week of many firsts. I picked up my keyboard to share some of my experiences but now find it so hard to divulge bits of my personal life to an audience I don’t even know. 

If you are reading this, leave a comment so I get to know who I reach.

So let me think up something to discuss this Sunday… 

I’m sleepy all the time. Sleep has become such a luxury, and that makes no sense. I understand and enjoy hard work because my number one enemy is boredom. However, I’m currently in a set-up where sleep is a luxury. 

I don’t know why everyone acts like it’s supposed to be like this. But it shouldn’t be normal because yawning 15 times in 5 minutes is not cute. I should be able to maintain beauty while working at least 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.

“The Eve of Saint Agnes” by Sir John Everett Millais (1863)

I’m also worried that not having all the time in the world will hamper my Substack consistency. Maybe I should leave this piece in a final form which communicates that it was written in sentences over the course of 3 weeks. 

I’ve been meeting a lot of people, they feel transient. The warmth of the first encounter is already dissipating. It will be interesting to see which bonds stick, which ones devolve into detached “Hi”s and “Hello”s, and those that loosen into mere passers-by.

The sadder thing is how my relationships with people from back home are receiving little to no love.

Sometimes I get texts from them updating me on the latest in their lives, often information that feels trivial in the context of my circumstances, and I get irritated because “do you think I have the time to care?” This would not have been the case a few weeks ago, and I wonder how much depths will erode before I can give them my attention.

“The Vale of Rest” by Sir John Everett Millais (1858)

I haven’t had much time to think. Which is a good thing because the negative thoughts often take up more space. Little to no time is spent ruminating on existential questions that would make me feel powerless to answer and resolve.

My mind is now focused on the essentials:

• When can I eat?

• I need to find time to shower!

• Do I have clothes for tomorrow?

• If I sleep now, how many hours would I have gotten by 6:37 a.m.?

Unfortunately, my obsessive thinking also fuels my creative expression, which, as you can see from this entry, has lost some of its spark. 

“An Idyll of 1745” by Sir John Everett Millais (1884)

My birthday is a week from today, and I’m happy because it gives me an opportunity to publish a Special. I wouldn’t be at a loss for what to discuss. I can already picture it in my head. Good lord, let me have the time to make it grand.

In the meantime, I do wish you a restful day and a fantastic week. Till next Sunday by 10 a.m., like, share, and connect with Kuffy Eyo.